Music Tuesday: “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon

This post is more about the Baltimore Orioles baseball team than about the Paul Simon song.  Followers of my blog should remember that I am a huge Baltimore Orioles fan, and they are having one of the most horrendous years ever.  At just over the midpoint of the season—Orioles have played 83 of the 162 games—their record stands at 24 wins and 59 losses.  That’s a winning percentage of .289, the worst in all of baseball. 

If they continue at this pace, they will end the season with 115 losses.  The record for the most losses in a season stands at 120 by the New York Mets in 1962.  Right behind them would be the 2003 Detroit Tigers at 119 losses.  It is within the possibility that this year’s Orioles team could break the record for the most losses in a year.  That is not a record you want to hold.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.  Going into the season the expectations were that this team was supposed to compete for a playoff spot.  They had just signed two free agent pitchers—Andrew Cashner and Alex Cobb—to bolster a weak pitching staff.  But the defense, offense, and the bull pen were supposed to be among the best and with two new above average pitchers there was a chance this team could make be one of the wildcard teams.  At least I thought so.  Boy was I ever wrong. 

What went wrong?  There have been a number of injuries.  The aging players have dropped off considerably, both in hitting and defense.  Alex Cobb has been horrible.  And we signed him for four years at a pretty penny.  The players that have not been injured seem to find a way to lose.  One night it’s the pitching that falters.  The next night it’s a defensive error that costs the game.  Another night the bull pen blows the game.  And through it all, the hitting has been terrible.

It is a common notion that good teams find ways to win games.  I guess the inverse is also true: bad teams find ways to lose games.  So I came up with this song parody.  It just stuck inside my head after another loss through some inept play.  The player names are actually real names of Orioles players.

50 Ways to Lose a Ball Game

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me

The answer is easy if you take it logically

I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free

There must be fifty ways to lose a ballgame.

She said it's really not my habit to intrude

Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued

But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude

There must be fifty ways to lose a ballgame.

Fifty ways to lose a ballgame

Just make another error, Jack

Throw a home run, Tilly

You don't need to save the game, Brad

Just get another loss.

Take a call strike, Chris

You don't need to discuss much

Just get thrown out, Manny

And get another loss.

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain

I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again

I said I appreciate that and would you please explain

About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight

And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light

And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right

There must be fifty ways to lose a ballgame.

And the Orioles have found them all

Fifty ways to lose a ballgame

Just swing and miss, Adam

Make a wild throw, Caleb

You don't need to get anyone out, Darren

Just get another loss

Ground into a double play, Trey

You don't need to discuss much

Just give us some BS, Buck

And get another loss.

Read more: Paul Simon - 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover Lyrics | MetroLyrics

As to the Paul Simon song itself, I’m not sure I really even like it.  There’s a certain sophistication with the lyrics and the guitar lick is catchy, but it leaves me rather cold.  It’s kind of mean spirited.  But you can decide for yourself here.

Apparently the situation in the song was a true life happening for Simon.  You can read about it here, which makes the song distasteful if you ask me.  The morality of the situation wasn’t bad enough, he had to sing about it?

But not as distasteful as this Orioles year.  Urrgh.