Matthew Monday: Bathroom Accident

There is an endless debate on whether little boys are inherently any different than little girls.  I’m not going to wade into that but there is one distinct difference.  Urination.

 

Matthew and I were playing superheroes the other day.  He pretends to be Captain America and I’m Ironman and we defeat all the bad guys.  He just loves it and drives me crazy to play and never once wants to take a break.  I noticed he was hopping up and down and holding his groin. 

 

“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” I asked.

 

“Yes, yes, I have to go, I have to go.”

 

“Then go.  What are you waiting for?”

 

“OK.  I’ll be right back.”  And he started to unbutton his pants as rushed into the bathroom.

 

From the bathroom I suddenly heard him exclaim, “Oh maaaaan!”  He dragged out the “man” with a long sigh.

 

“What happened?”  I called out.  He came out with his trousers and underwear down to his knees. 

 

“I missed.”  His pants, underwear, and socks were all wet.

 

“Is it on the floor?” 

He nodded.

 

“Get out from those clothes,” I said, and went to see what happened in the bathroom.  Good heavens.  He hadn’t gotten a single drop in the bowl.  Urine was everywhere, and in no particular direction.  It was as if he had lost control of you-know-what and he sprayed piss everywhere.  And he had a large bladder full.  All I could envision was a garden hose that was dropped, wiggling, and shooting water in all directions.

 

He came by while I was on my hands and knees cleaning up.  “I’m sorry dad,” he sighed.

 

I sighed.  “That’s ok.”