Matthew Monday: Future Lazy Slob

We were getting ready to go out to a little cousin’s one year old birthday party, and I was pushing Matthew to get ready.  I don’t know if all children do this, but Matthew dilly-daddles  (slang, I know, but defined here) and takes the longest time to do things.  He needed to brush his teeth, and so I put toothpaste on his toothbrush and he climbs onto his stool we keep in the bathroom for him. 

“I can’t wait to grow up,” he says.

“Why,” I ask.

“Because then I can do whatever I want.”

“No you can’t.  You’ll have to go to work, you’ll have to clean the house, you’ll have to do all sorts of things you won’t want to.  It’s not fun to be an adult.”

Matthew is brushing his teeth and looking in the mirror and thinking.

“We don’t get play time or go to camp for the summer,” I continue.  “It’s much more fun to be a kid, so don’t wish for things you won’t want.”

Matthew continues brushing.  Thinking that I’ve cornered him I say, “You’ll have lots more things to do that you don’t want to when you’re an adult.”

Matthew then takes the brush out of his mouth and declares, “I won’t do them.”

That response actually surprised me.  “What?  Then how are you going to earn money so you can have a house and food?  Who’s going to get everything done?”

And with dead pan timing, Matthew says, “My wife.”

I stared at him for a second and then doubled over in laughter.  And he starts laughing too.

Which reminds me of a really good Rolling Stones song, “Hang Fire.”  Here’s the song: 

Here are the lyrics, if you can’t quite make them out:

HANG FIRE
(M. Jagger/K. Richards)

In the sweet old country where I come from
Nobody ever works
Yeah nothing gets done
We hang fire, we hang fire

You know marrying money is a full time job
I don't need the aggravation
I'm a lazy slob
I hang fire, I hang fire
Hang fire, put it on the wire

We've got nothing to eat
We got nowhere to work
Nothing to drink
We just lost our shirts
I'm on the dole
We ain't for hire
Say what the hell
Say what the hell, hang fire
Hang fire, hang fire, put it on the wire
Doo doo doo

Take a thousand dollars go have some fun
Put it all on at a hundred to one
Hang fire, hang fire, put it on the wire

I love that song, but I hope Matthew doesn’t grow up to be a lazy slob.